Wednesday, April 12, 10:30 PM. Amy.

Brewer woke up today. I don’t know how it happened, but I was in the kitchen and suddenly I hear his voice calling from the office. I go in and there he is, eyes open, smiling his lopsided smile.

He has been more and more unconscious lately. He hasn’t spoken in nearly a week. But he was able to speak, and seemed mentally coherent. I gave him Beth and went to fetch the others.

At first they were jubilant. “He’s getting better!” “It’s a miracle!” We all knelt around him and hugged him and held hands. Even I begin to think: could this be it, could this be some kind of turnaround?

But when we were quiet, he spoke. It was barely a whisper, so weak, but somehow had Brewer’s old strength below it. He was hard to understand but we understood enough. It was a voice we hadn’t heard in weeks, the voice of the father, the rock, the leader of the family.

He says he knows he’s going to die. Everyone cried at that. He said not to cry, that he knows he’s going to a better place. Then he said—I wish he hadn’t—he knows now where all the people have gone. He said he knows there are still some people left on the earth, that we will find them and befriend them, that we will make a family together and prosper and multiply over the earth. I…didn’t know what to think.

He looked at each one of us and called each of us over to him in turn. He would hold them—even Garrett—and kiss them and tell them he loves them. He would pray for them a few seconds, though we never quite knew what he was saying.

Last of all he came to me. I gave Beth to Claire. I lay across him and he held me and kissed my head. He said, “I rub you, Aby” out of that one side of his mouth, “I rub you.” It was almost comical, and I wanted to laugh, but couldn’t. I kissed his lips and put my head back on his chest. Then he said: “I forgib you. I do. I did a long tibe ago. You’re forgibben, always. Just beweeb.”

I wanted to say, “I forgive you too.” But there was nothing to forgive. I just wept. The children were crying behind me.

When I raised myself up to look at him his eyes were closed and he was sleeping.

I wish I had said more. I wish he had said more. I wish… I wish…