Sunday, January 22, 9:00 PM. Brewer.

We told the kids about my health troubles this morning.

We had church as usual: singing, preaching (Garrett taught from James 1), discussion, and communion. Before we closed in prayer we told the kids there was something we needed to talk about.

I did most of the talking. I told them about last summer, going to the doctor, planning a biopsy. Once we told them what that was they knew the situation is serious. I told them how I’d started to feel better before the hike and was fine after that. They weren’t surprised when I said I’d gotten worse the last month or so. They could tell. We told them we didn’t know what was going to happen but I still wasn’t getting healthy and it was going on a long time. We didn’t say anything about me falling a couple days ago. I said I’m feeling weak and tired and I sometimes forget things.

They had lots of questions. Are we sure it’s cancer? No. How long would it take me to get better? I don’t know. Could I die? Yes, I could.

After that nobody said anything for a while. Claire came and sat on my lap and put her arms around my neck and just lay there. Garrett asked if we should pray about it. We said yes and we all held hands and they all prayed for me. Even Amy. She went last. She said, simply, “I really hope Brewer gets better. Amen.”

The headaches are much better. The dizziness is better but I don’t think it’s gone, I think I’m just getting used to feeling it all the time. I haven’t thrown up in a few days. The fatigue is worse. My right hand, my whole right side, is weaker than it should be. I dropped a mug yesterday, just didn’t have a good grip on it. I keep having to search for words. That happens to everybody, but this isn’t normal. It took me a full minute to remember the word “mug” a moment ago. I kept thinking it was a word like “cup” but it wasn’t “cup.” That’s happening all the time. People keep getting frustrated with me because they have to repeat things.

An entry like this used to take me twenty minutes to write down. This one took me almost an hour. My brain is just not running right.