Last time I listed the main biblical passages dealing with divorce and remarriage. I also previewed some of the conclusions I had come to when studying these passages.
But now let’s clear our minds, forget everything we (think we) know about divorce and rediscover what the Bible says with fresh eyes. Today we’ll look at Old Testament passages that deal with these topics.
The Foundation for Marriage
Before we look at what the Bible says about divorce, let’s first see what it says about marriage. The foundational passage on marriage in the Bible is Gen 2:24.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
This verse is foundational for a few reasons. First, it appears early, in reference to the first husband and wife, Adam and Eve. It’s the Bible’s first word on marriage. Second, later passages will use this verse as an anchor for further teaching on marriage. For instance, when Jesus says, “What God has joined together let no one separate,” he’s talking about Gen 2:24.
The idea of “two becoming one flesh” is the crucial image. It’s a strange image. It could mean a lot of things. “One flesh” might be a metaphor for unity: the married couple are tightly aligned, unified in life goals and decisions. It might be an image of sex—”one flesh” might evoke the intertwined bodies of a man and woman.
In a literal sense, a man and woman who produce a baby truly become one flesh. Armed with this understanding, we might almost paraphrase, “The two DNA sequences will become one DNA sequence.”
We will see in later passages, however, that although the Bible may include all these understandings, it also envisions a more mysterious, spiritual, permanent union that is associated with sex but is far more pervasive and lasting.
Now that we’re armed with this foundational passage on marriage, let’s see how the Old Testament talks about divorce.
No Going Back
Oddly enough, the Old Testament (OT) has little direct teaching about divorce and remarriage. The most important passage on these subjects is a peculiar one: Deut 24:1–4.
The first thing to understand about this passage is that it’s an instance of case law. That is, this is a law addressing a particular type of situation, a situation that happened to come up. There is a great deal of case law in Deuteronomy, and this is one example. Moses probably wouldn’t have thought to write this law out of the blue. It’s more likely that the situation actually occurred and Moses had to address it. Similar situations would come up from time to time, so writing down the right judgment about this situation helped to decide future cases.
Deut 24 describes a case in which a married man and woman—let’s call them Billy and Jane—got divorced. Jane went away and married another man, Ted. Then Ted either died or divorced Jane. She finds herself free to marry again. The point of this law is that she cannot marry Billy again. She cannot go back to the first husband.
That’s not the ending we expect, is it? The law sounds arbitrary at best—maybe even unreasonable and harsh. The Bible prevents a woman from remarrying her first love? What gives?
Probably what this law is concerned about is flippancy toward marriage. You can’t switch marriage partners like moving from a summer home to a winter home. When Jane and Billy split, the marriage was over, but they could have got back together again. But when Jane moved in with Ted, the split with Billy was final. Jane needs to know, as she makes that decision, that there’s no turning back. That, I think, is where this law is coming from.
You might even see it this way. Deut 24:1–4 is cautioning against a kind wife-swapping. A wife cannot move back and forth between two men. There’s something not right about that.
The situation in Deut 24 is pretty unusual. Why, then, is this such an important passage in our study of divorce and remarriage? The answer lies in a detail of the story that we’ve overlooked so far.
The Certificate of Divorce
Verses 1 and 3 mention Billy and Ted each in turn giving Jane a “certificate of divorce.” This idea becomes very important to Jesus’ discussion of divorce in the Gospels, so we need to understand it here.
In the Gospels, the Pharisees will challenge Jesus by referring to this certificate. “Why then,” they will ask, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” (Matt 19:7).
Our understanding of the Pharisees’ question and Jesus’ answer is confused by difficulties in translating Deut 24. If you read Deut 24:1 in the NIV, the giving of the certificate doesn’t seem to be something Moses commands—it’s just something “Billy” does. But other translations, including the King James Version and the NET Bible, suggest that a command or permission does appear here.
“…let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.” (KJV)
“…he may draw up a divorce document, give it to her, and evict her from his house.” (NET)
It’s difficult to be dogmatic about this, but the NET probably has the best translation here. Although the Qal verbs that appear in the original Hebrew aren’t usually translated as commands, Hebrew verbal forms are quite flexible, and the Qal could represent a command or permission here. The translators of the ancient Septuagint version seemed to think that these verbs were more than mere narrative—that permission or command were implied. And of course the Pharisees in Matt 19:7 saw a command here, and Jesus saw permission (Matt 19:8). So most likely Moses was encouraging, or at least permitting—and not simply describing—that the man would give his wife a certificate.
The reason that the man divorces the woman is often overlooked. The NIV says, “He has found something indecent about her.” The key phrase “something indecent” is the Hebrew “a matter of nakedness.” This is more than a husband taking a disliking to his wife, discovering he hates her cooking or no longer finds her attractive. “A matter of nakedness” refers to indecency, probably with a sexual tone. If we read it as “sexual immorality” it jibes well with Matt 19. But “a matter of nakedness” isn’t necessarily sexual (cf. Deut 23:14, where “indecency”=”a matter of nakedness” is contrasted with holiness, and thus perhaps implies a broader idea of uncleanness).
The point, in any case, is that the Pharisees’ later question about a man divorcing his wife “for any reason” is not supported by this verse. This verse points to a particular, shameful, probably sexual, cause for divorce.
We’ll come back to these issues when we visit the New Testament and Matt 19 in particular. For now, it’s enough to remember that Deut 24 is where this idea of a “certificate of divorce” comes from.
Next time we’ll continue with other crucial passages from the Old Testament.
28 Comments
Interesting topic – for me this is one of those topics that can get very complicated. As modern Americans we grow up seeing marriage in a completely different way than the ancient Israelites.
I think its important what Jesus says about the certificate of divorce – Moses allowed it “because of the hardness of your hearts”. It think its very clear what God’s ideal plan is – two become one. period. The problem, as usual, is us. Our sin has a way of screwing things up. The ideas of divorce was never God’s plan, but it served a necessary legal function in the inevitable case when man falls short. I believe the Certificate of Divorce was a protection for the woman. If a man should became “unhappy” with his wife, there could be abuse, or he may abandon her. An unmarried woman in that culture shared the same fate as the widows and orphans. They had little means to provide for themselves and were often the victims of all kinds of injustice. The Certificate of Divorce says that sin has screwed all this up, but the woman is free to now remarry. The Deuteronomy passage has no condemnation for the woman remarrying after the divorce.
Clearly this was being abused and Jesus comes along to call us back to perspective about what was intended in marriage. He’s calling us to a higher standard. He’s more concerned with the condition of our hearts than the physical action we may take. In the same way He says one who is angry with His brother is guilty of murder, He says that one who throws away his first wife for another is guilty of adultery in his heart.
Anyway, just some thoughts…
My thoughts exactly, Paul. Thanks for expressing those ideas so clearly.
The Bible says in Deut.24 that to remarry your first spouse after an interim marriage is “abomination.” Rationalizing about things God calls “abomination” opens a whole can of worms, e.g. condoning homosexuality. Do you see any circumstances under which it is biblically possible to remarry a first spouse, e.g. after years of separation from both husbands?
Hi Elsa. The best answer I can give you is a combo of bad news, good news, and practical news.
I hope you find the right decision and find peace in it.
I do not know your situation for your divorce from your first husband.
You did remarry and the bible is clear not being able to return to your first husband.
I agree that your pastor would be your best resource due to he I trust has a full understanding of your situation. I also know because we have a legal divorce in a court system, it does not dissolve our marriages unless unfaithfulness has been a part and the one that made the decision to divorce could not manage to forgive this sin or the partner would not stay under this circumstance. I will pray for you and your situation. May Gods will be in the center of your situation and His clarity be revealed.
Peace be with you!
Hi Nancy. I appreciate your follow up. I wanted to ask you about one thing though. You mentioned that the court system “does not dissolve our marriages unless unfaithfulness has been a part.” I’m under the impression that many marriages dissolve simply over “irreconcilable differences” in which neither party accuses the other of unfaithfulness. Many marriages are simple splits on personal grounds. Do you have a different impression?
I agree with this no where else in the Bible does it say more clearly about not remarrying. I hear people say well that law is no longer binding since the New covenant of the New Testament. I believe that once God lays down a moral law it is final. You say well that came from Moses but was Moses not a Prophet of God and did God not speak through Prophets to His people until the coming of Jesus and then from the point of His crucifixion we accept by faith?
Very interesting articles on the subject. I enjoyed the comment by Paul as well. I will not argue it MAY be implied, but have you ever noticed, than in all of the passages one can cite on marriage, divorce and remarriage, that not one directly gives the divorced person permission to remarry (with the exception of Dt. 24:1-4 and we are no longer under the law of Moses today Gal. 3:24-25 so that one does not apply).
I respectfully disagree also with your interpretation of 1 Cor. 7:15 that the wife no longer being bound to her husband means she is no longer bound by her marriage vows. Though the general context of what Paul has been writing is under the heading of marriage and divorce, he takes a bit of s side issue in verses 14-24. Notice that he begins in 1 Cor. 6:17 when Paul reminds us that we are joined (bound) to the Lord. Now in 1 Cor. 7:11 the statement is made that even if a man’s wife departs, she should remain unmarried (this would seem to contradict your statement that the one who departs may remarry). Now notice vs. 14 and 16. The reason we do not have the right to divorce unbelievers is because we just might have an opportunity to convert and they might be saved. Here is the point: 1.) The bond that a Christian has to Christ is greater than the bond one has to their spouse. Even though the unbelieving spouse may desire to depart to continue into their pagan/ungodly ways, in no way should the Christian feel bound by the marriage vow to follow them into their ungodliness. Our first and foremost priority is to the Lord. If they insist on leaving, Paul says, let him depart. You are not obligated to your spouse in such a situation. However, though the unbeliever has departed, no where does Paul record any permission to remarry.
You may be right, Mike. It may be that the Bible intends to teach that remarriage is always disallowed. I am not personally confident enough in this conclusion to apply it to everyone I meet. I suggest that a Christian who is in this situation consult with wise pastors, elders, and friends to prayerfully consider whether the Lord would allow them to remarry.
If Jane has married Ted, I would say if she wanted she would marry billy again, because of her first example in life to leave her husband. The bible says that if a woman be married to another man while her husband yet lives, she shall be called an adulteress.
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.
Okay! Paul said this to the Romans, and to us divorced, so we can walk on. Love
all this is really good discussion. I will have to come back to it with some info from Jeremiah concerning the re-marriage portion but I specifically wanted to touch on the last comment by jan: Of course we’re justified by grace and redeemed…but I don’t believe the point about the rightness of divorce/remarriage is a matter of being unforgiven of your sin. Just like many actions and decisions we make, we sow and reap and the destruction of lives (particularly children’s lives) and the repetitive cycle that goes on from the result of divorce is what we should fight to prevent. The multiplicity of pain and sin that grows out of the process that leads up to and goes on after divorce is really what I believe the main point being made in the Scriptures. So, yes, we’re forgiven, even blessed by the love of Christ in our lives and yes, you can go on to have fruitful lives in Christ depending on your relationship with Christ. Don’t feel condemned (as I see you don’t) but I’m certain your road has not been without pain, fear, and doubt. I’m thankful for you that you have victory on your mind!
I need biblical opinions please.
I divorced my 1st husband mainly because of extreme physical abuse and strong ‘proof’ that made me suspect him cheating..I remarried someone I thought was saved but he has backslid terribly and did much worse to me than the 1st husband. He has since filed divorce and kicked me out our home. I was praying and fasting for reconciliation but at this point I think my love for him has died.
My 1st husband has changed and learning about the Lord and wants me back. I don’t think he actually went as far in cheating while we were married but def was abuse.(bible doesnt address abuse) I still am very comfortable with him and he still feels like family. I’m considering reconciling with him after some time to make sure his changes remain good for the long haul.
any advice would be welcome
Reconcile with him
Reconcile with 1st Husband:
http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
http://www.marriagedivorce.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCsSnkaK0h8
People of God,I would like to know,In marriage let’s say the husband and the wife never accused each other for udultery but in this house there is no peace,No decision that we can reach together,which left all of us to realise that may be both of us we have married wrong person.Is divorce prohibited in that kind of life,?what is the way out brothers and sisters?
What you need to understand is that if you’re failing to relate well to each other, that doesn’t mean you should get divorced, it means you should learn how to relate. It’s all about love. If you’re struggling to get along, both of you have to learn to love more. If you escape from the marriage—”get out” as you say—then you have given up on love. And if you do that—God help you. What does God require from his people but love? And if you have failed to love in this life, what is God to do with you?
Love, you remember, is not the same as feelings of love. Love is not the romance that brought you into marriage. But love is the only thing that can get you through it.
Love takes work. It leads to sacrifice—remember the cross. It seeks the best for the other. It listens. It does not seek control. If just one of you strives to love the other, the marriage can blossom and thrive. If both of you seek love for each other, nothing can stop you. But one of you must act first.
Search your own heart and you may find that you do not want to love. No human loves on their own. Only God, by the Spirit, in Christ, can create love in you. So ask God to raise up his love in you, so that he teaches you to love your spouse as he himself loves your spouse.
This is one prayer he both can answer and wants to answer. So if God is with you, what can stand between your marriage and success?
stay single or work at reconciliation while apart
hello everyone,
I have a dilemma. I have not always been with Christ. I have backslide terribly. I married my wife whom is a true woman of God. I was a repeat fornicator and in result caused divorce among us. She wants closure to the situation. I lied, cheated, stole, and even abused. In the end what God has blessed me with I have thrown away. I have broke His covenant and am very embarrassed and hurt by my own actions. I’ve changed my life to prayer and dedication. I love Him so! My ex wife and I have talked reconciling. Even tho we are divorced(legally) and neither have ever remarried, is this still considered reconciling or adultery? It still feels like we are bonded before God and have obligation to each other.
We are best of friends and seem one still.
Also as a result of my infidelity I have created a child, in which my spouse resents me for. The heartache cause by such is tremendous on her. I see it in her anxiety. Is it that I should let her go because of pain? Or should I stick to my covenant created with her and my God?
i beleave god can do anything maybe god is testing your faith to fulley trust god to do what he want u to do look what he did for moses and the outcome i would get into a faith class because start really turing it over to god he will do it god bless judy
I recently was sent divorce papers by my then husband, i signed them because he is not a believer, and i cannot force him to stay. Our story is complicated, but the story is nothing compared to the mess i feel inside when i think and even read the bible or blogs like this in regards to, divorce, remarriage, and even reconciliation with first spouses after one has remarried. I honestly say it causes me a lot of pain to be in this situation, for I am comfused on what is permitted and what is not. So my divorce became official a few months ago, but before this happened we were separated for a whole year. In the beginning of this seperation he wanted it and I found very compromising pictures of him and another woman that i believe he had sex with, therefore committing adultery against our marriage and ultimately God. If it is true that I was then able to get a divorce from him and remarry, because i did not want the divorce but he did, but he committed the act.
Here’s where it get complicated, when i dicovered about his infedelity we did seperate, but then i committed my own sins, because i began dating and ultimately had sex with other people, (we were still legally married, but legally seperated as well). I know I committed adultery also, I have repented, trully. So here is where I am comfused because we both technically committed adultery against each other, he did it first, did not repent, and still wanted a divorce. he initiated the divorce and i signed the papers. we are now divorced. I had hope that God would somehow work through this and he may return if it was God’s will, but he just got remarried this month.
That is where my turmoil roots from…he cheated, i cheated..who is in the right to get remarried? And also if nobody is the right to get remarried because were both still one flesh under God, then what happens now that there is a third party in it, his new wife? if they dont work out, can he still never come back to me because of Moses law? or are we not bound to moses law because we are not under the old testament anymore? what about his new wife, if they divorced was that her first marriage also? would she then be under the same predicament I am in? Long story short as you can see everything that can go wrong and be left without hope of recociliation, according to the bible, has happened. Is my only option to stay alone for the rest of my life? I’ve prayed, i’ve talked to pastors, ive talke to family..all different answers…I just feel tired of my situation..I have remained unmarried because I do chose to follow God’s way through his word, but I dont feel joy because my deepest desires is to have a family one day.
Two years before we got our divorce, we had seperated for three months, i prayed every day for my husband’s change of heard heart and for him to come back, I praised God when he did return! I did find out that during those months he was having sex with other people, i did not, i prayed for him to return, and he did …two years later here I am. Please pray fo me and help me with an answer. God says he wont give us more then we can handle, but this definitely is more then Ive ever had to deal with. God bless.
Anonymous,
You are still in a Marriage Covenant with your husband.
Marriage is a Covenant for LIFE!
“A wife is married to her husband as long as he lives.” 1 Corinthians 7:39
Find the Truth Here:
http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
http://www.youtube.com/JoshReadVideo
“The deliberate contrast in Jeremiah 3:1 between the law that Moses laid down for the Israelites in Deuteronomy 24 and God’s own behavior towards His wife points out that the New Testament Church must not determine her marriage doctrine and practice from Deuteronomy 24.” —Professor David J. Engelsma
The Bond Yet Unbroken:
The first verse of Jeremiah 3 proves, in a striking, indeed, startling way, that God was still MARRIED to DIVORCED Israel. To Israel who had “played the harlot with many lovers” and whom God had already divorced, according to verse eight, God called, “Yet return again to me.” This was a call to His wife, as verse one makes plain:
“They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man’s, shall he return unto her again? Shall not that land be greatly polluted? But thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the LORD.”
Whereas it was not permitted in Israel for a wife divorced from her husband and remarried to another man to return to her first husband, God called His wife back to Himself, even though she had committed adultery with many companions and even though God had divorced her.
Divorced Israel REMAINED the wife of the LORD.
What is striking, even startling, about this insistence on the maintenance of the marriage and on Israel’s return to her rightful husband is the contrast between God’s marriage to Israel and a law governing the earthly marriages of the Israelites.
Verse one refers to the law concerning divorce and remarriage in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Deuteronomy 24:1-4 forbade a husband who had divorced his wife, on some other ground than her adultery, to take her back, if a second husband divorced her, or died.
God, however, will take His wife back, even though she gave herself to many lovers and despite the fact that He had given her a bill of divorce.
The law of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 was merely Moses’ tolerance of deviation from God’s original ordinance of marriage on the part of hard-hearted Israelite men. It was a stop-gap measure, somewhat to protect vulnerable women, who otherwise would have been passed around like property.
This was Christ’s analysis of Deuteronomy 24:1-4, and indictment of the kind of people for whom the law was necessary, in Matthew 19:8: “Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives.”
Deuteronomy 24 does not reveal the truth about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. It reveals the wickedness in marriage of hard-hearted, that is, unbelieving, men. The truth about marriage, already in the Old Testament, is revealed in Jeremiah 3:1: Even though He must divorce an unfaithful wife, God MAINTAINED the marriage and CALLED His wife back to Himself.
Verse fourteen of Jeremiah 3 is decisive, and explicit, regarding the question, whether God divorced an original wife so as to annul the marriage and open the way for Himself to marry another.
Addressing faithless, divorced Israel, Jehovah exclaimed, “Turn, O backsliding children, saith the LORD; for I am MARRIED unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion.”
Although His wife was unfaithful, although she committed adultery with numerous lovers, although she was as yet impenitent, and although God had divorced her, God was STILL her husband, and she was STILL His wife. The bill of divorce did not touch, much less dissolve, the marriage bond: “I am MARRIED unto you.”
Indeed, the fact of the marriage is the reason why God called Israel back, as it is the reason why she ought to come back, to live with Him: “For I am married unto you.”
—Professor David J. Engelsma
http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html
Ok I had this almost all typed out and it was long explaining my circumstances. I then hit a key and it closed the page. I am so disgusted over this, as now I have to redo this all over again.
I am in a difficult situation like anonymous but it is different at the same time. I will try to make this simple so you can understand what happened and is currently happening. I married my 1st husband 25 yrs ago this past Feb 14th. We were only 17. Well we were not old enough or mature enough to know what it takes to make a marriage work. I cheated the 1st time in our marriage when he said it was over and to file for divorce. I was devastated and slept with a man one time. He did take me back, but then he started to have an affair of his own that lasted the whole 3 yrs we were married. So we did divorce. We had 1 son from our marriage.
I was divorced for 10 yr when I met my 2nd husband. I knew G-d was telling me not to marry him, but I didnt listen. I wanted another child and a “real” family more than I wanted to listen to G-d. He did however bless me with a 2nd child. The marriage was abusive to myself and my 1st child. When my 2nd child was 2 mos old I did find the courage and strength to leave him. He was still threatening and I was in danger. So, my 1st husband moved me out of state. We got back together but never remarried. This time we were together from 01-12. We had a 2nd son ( my 3rd and final child) who has his last name. Again, we have not remarried. There were several times I did leave because emotionally he could not be there for me. I couldnt handle it.
Now in 05 I left for the 1st time-not because I didnt love him or wanted to break up with him. I wanted to give him space to figure out his feelings for me. I hurt very bad during this time that I would date other men. Then, I had what I even to this day felt was absolutely G-d talking to me. I specifically heard in my mind 2 yrs. Now, never in a million yrs would I think up 2 yrs. I am NOT a patient person and the thought of having to wait 2 yrs was unbearable. I even remember the moment I got that “revelation”. So, I claimed that promise that I thought G-d gave me. In fact, I was so certain that it came from G-d that I told my family. No one could make me feel otherwise. Even to this day I still think it was from G-d. Well now I do question a great deal if it was in fact G-d speaking to me.
I was reconciled 19 mos later. I then felt G-d telling me another 5 yrs. It wasnt as strong as when I heard 2 yrs. Well about a yr and a half into that next 5 yrs I couldnt take the emotional absence he had. So, again I left and moved out of state. That time I was gone for 9 mos. I have never been able to totally walk away from him for good. The unbearable pain and loneliness of not being with him was to overwhelming. I have loved this man for more than half of my life. I never have been able to really love anyone else. I have never been able to walk away for good, as I always walked away. I have felt in bondage to this man for 11 yrs. I know there is soul ties there. I am not sure if these are soul ties that must be broken for me to get out from under this bondage, so I am free to be happy and remarry someone else. I want to be able to love someone else for the rest of my life. I have always worried I would never be able to love someone else.
Well he did let me move back in. Althou we never legally remarried, I always felt we were still married in G-ds eyes. I have always wanted to be remarried, but he never felt he was ready to remarry. I was finally grown up emotionally and was committed to love him “til death do us part” Then last Apr after I had major colon surgery he told me he was breaking up with me. He said he wanted to be with someone else, that he finally realized that he wasnt in love with me. I was only 2 wks out from having my surgery when he kicked me out. I had to go live with my mom and still do til I can afford a place of my own. Well not being healed from surgery physically and also not healed emotionally I was very vulnerable. I did some stupid things but still asked G-d what He wanted me to do. Now, I did hear exactly this and I am still not quite sure yet what He meant. I heard “do nothing, wait”. So, what I still wonder today is if He is telling me to wait for him, or to just be still and wait on Him to reveal His plan for my life.
I had accepted that we would never be together and was moving on with my life, when thoughts and missing him invaded my mind. I fell right back to where I started with him when he broke up with me. I started to see him again, but he didnt want to get back together, or see anyone for that matter. He wanted to just casually date. Well, I have waited for 3 1/2 mos hoping he would be ready to get back into a relationship with me. I didnt know about the passage in Deut about not being able to remarry your 1st husband if the wife had remarried after the 1st divorce.
I have made the decision to let him go forever and it has been very hard. I still cant let go of the dream that we would remarry and be together for the rest of our lives. I have since then about 4 wks ago met a wonderful Christian man on a dating site. The fact that he is a Christian is a huge thing for me. My 1st husband is not saved and I have been praying for him for 26 yrs. Not to long before he broke up with me I got to a point that I meant what I told G-d. I told Him that I would forever give him up if it meant he would come to accept Jesus. His eternal future was nothing in light of being married for the remainder of our earthly lives. I was finally able to honestly mean this with my whole heart. Well, G-d put me exactly to that test! About a mo or so later is when my 1st husband said he didnt want to be with me anymore. I still mean it with all my heart what I told G-d about him.
So, the man I met a mo ago is very good to me. In fact there is things about my life that are shameful. I have an illness that has forever changed my life. I will have this for the rest of my life as there is no cure (no I dont have HIV or aids). Well it turns out that this man I am seeing now has the same exact illness. It totally floored me! The chances of us both having this illness is only 20%. So I do not feel it is by chance this happened. I dont believe in coincidences. I feel that G-d specifically brought him into my life for a reason. I dont know where this is leading.
So, now that I have told you this long story so you can get a good idea of my dilemma I have a 2 fold question I need to ask and hopefully I can get some feedback.
1. I know what Deut says now and I can finally have peace about it. I know we are to test the spirits. If we are told something we feel comes from G-d we need to see if it matches up with scripture. His words never change. So, according to Deut I am not allowed to remarry my 1st husband. So, it is my thinking that what I heard was actually not of G-d and deceived me and kept me in bondage for 8 yrs. It point blank contradicts the scriptures.
2. Now the confusing part just came reading Luke’s reply when he quoted this from Prof David J. Engelsma:
Deuteronomy 24 does not reveal the truth about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. It reveals the wickedness in marriage of hard-hearted, that is, unbelieving, men. The truth about marriage, already in the Old Testament, is revealed in Jeremiah 3:1: Even though He must divorce an unfaithful wife, God MAINTAINED the marriage and CALLED His wife back to Himself.
Verse fourteen of Jeremiah 3 is decisive, and explicit, regarding the question, whether God divorced an original wife so as to annul the marriage and open the way for Himself to marry another.
Addressing faithless, divorced Israel, Jehovah exclaimed, “Turn, O backsliding children, saith the LORD; for I am MARRIED unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion.”
Although His wife was unfaithful, although she committed adultery with numerous lovers, although she was as yet impenitent, and although God had divorced her, God was STILL her husband, and she was STILL His wife. The bill of divorce did not touch, much less dissolve, the marriage bond: “I am MARRIED unto you.”
Indeed, the fact of the marriage is the reason why God called Israel back, as it is the reason why she ought to come back, to live with Him: “For I am married unto you.”
I am now confused. Deut says I cant go back, but then again in Jeremiah 3 it talks about G-d divorcing his wife but reconciled with her. Even after she went and sinned with other lovers. Now what isnt clear is if this verse just naturally implies she married again, or just commited adultery but never “remarried”. So, if G-d took her back why then, does Deut say that you can not go back to your 1st husband if you have been remarried. I know it is metaphorical for His restoring Israel, but also feel it has another meaning much deeper. I just need clarity if it is giving me the answer to this dilemma. If we are married the NT does say that if an unbelieving husband chooses to stay we are not to leave, but if he does not want to stay in the marriage the wife is free to leave and in not bound to that marriage any longer. He does not want to be back together. He just wants to casually be with me with no commitment what so ever. He even said he doesnt mind if I date other people.
Well I did go and meet someone else. I dont want to go back or wait for my ex any longer. I want to be free finally and move on. I just need to be clear that G-d has released me from him. I have never been able to leave for good.
If anyone has some feedback on these issues please can you reply? I thank you for reading this. I didnt intend for this to be so long. Thanks again for reading this.
Jeff,
I need to know aside from the legal document that is filed with courts today, how did a couple know that a woman was divorced after the creation of the New Testament? I understand according to the Old Testament that a “certificate of divorce” was given to the woman. After that practice became outdated, how was the divorce of an individual recognized?
My husband, a non believer, has been engrossed in pornography for many, many years. I prayed, and prayed that the Lord would deliver me from the feelings of hurt and help me to continue in my marriage. By the grace of God, I remained married to him for a total of 13 years. At the beginning of our 12th year, he left me and our three children. I did not file any court documents at the time because my church felt that the papers should be filed by the unbeliever who abandoned me. 1 Corinthians 7:15. The moment my husband walked out the door, I felt a weight had been lifted from me and I was now free. When am I considered divorced biblically, was it when he left or after the legal documents have been filed ?
A year after he left, I met a man who hopes that one day I will be his wife. We have remained abstinent because legally I am still bond to him. Unfortunately, I am faced with possibly being asked to leave my church because I should not be interacting with the new man on any level. At the present time, I have finally filed for divorce through our court system. Again, my question to you is, based on scripture am I already divorced? If not, how did a man or woman show that they were divorced throughout the Bible?
It is important to understand, that I want to do what is right in God’s eyes first and foremost. If I am asked to leave the church or this new man, I will submit to the Bible’s authority. I just need to understand what to do.
Thank you.
I happened upon this site in search of answers and guidance. I will cut to the meat of the matter concerning my own personal conflict in hopes to gain comments, advice, prayers, thoughts, etc… I fell in love at a very young age (14 yrs.) and eventually married my high school sweetheart at age 23. Prior to our marriage, there were a few break ups due to just being young and immature, still finding our way, so to speak. He had went out on a date with a young lady while we were briefly apart and later discovered a pregnancy had resulted. Again, this reflects great immaturity on his part. He immediately felt it was his responsibility to marry her although he hardly knew her. They married, and less than a year later, he divorced her stating there were simply no love between them. He stated he had tried to learn to love her in a way that would work for them both and for their young infant daughter. I was still single and unmarried when he contacted me, saying he still loved me and nothing would change it. I still very much loved him despite the pain he had caused me. I had a very, very difficult time coping with knowing the man I had dreamed of marrying since I was a young girl had married another and had a child. I agreed to become his wife and felt despite his very immature decisions a beautiful child was here whom I loved and accepted wholeheartedly. During our marriage we joined church and became baptized, accepting Christ as our Lord and Savior. I also found out that I could not have children of my own, which caused stress among other issues that was causing problems in our relationship. I will not go into grand details but there were certain serious problems. However, I was determined to work through them. For ten long very hard years I drudged onward trying to make our marriage work. I was then living a Christian life and knew the seriousness of divorce, therefore I felt determined to avoid a divorce and give up on our relationship. After 10 years our divorce was finalized. I was of course heart broken, feeling immense guilt and defeat, “Could I have done more?”, “I know God has forgiven us, but can we forgive ourselves for failing?”, etc. It took a great deal of time to understand that divorce is not an unforgivable sin. With repentance and a contrite spirit we are forgiven if we are under the blood of Christ. I was uncertain when I eventually met my current husband that remarriage was acceptable. After both of us discussed this with our pastors I felt further at peace with a new beginning. After much prayer I knew my first marriage was a covenant between him and myself, much the same as the covenant we create with God when accept Christ, it can be broken, it happens. But, I have continually wondered if my marriage with my first husband was, or was not, a holy union because of his first marriage. He was unsaved during his first marriage, whereas he and I were baptized during our union. Of course, then there is the consideration also of the worsening of the situation because it WAS holy and sanctified by our acceptance of Christ and then there was a divorce resulting in the end. I had no understanding at that time of the importance of CHOOSING to love your spouse despite the circumstances. Love being a choice. I have matured considerably, now having a degree in Christian Studies and having a great deal more understanding than I did, even at 33 when my divorce was finalized. I am now nearing 40 and cannot believe the difference in my thinking and understanding of God’s expectation and our role here. I do not feel that making a choice of unfaltering commitment over rides all negative living situations, whereas some may feel there is NO reason to leave a marriage, ever. At the time, I truly felt my situation deemed it necessary, as it had become physical twice due to the extent of our disagreements. I don’t feel my first husband was abusive by nature, only given this happened twice in a 10 year span of time. But I still felt justified in leaving. Yes, I LEFT. I being depressed beyond explanation felt I had been alone and miserable long enough. He was married to his job and I simply felt like a stick of furniture used and left in the corner, forgotten. I know I did not give up easily as many people today do seem to find marriage a convenience, or once it is no longer useful, fun, or exciting, it’s over. I took my vows very seriously. I know I was a good wife in every way possible, not perfect but very good and committed to making him happy in every way I could. For me, being handed a paycheck from someone whom was never there, who had countless opportunities to spend even 20 minutes a week with me, but refused, was too much to bare. I was getting nothing from the relationship. This man I loved was like a walking corpse, quiet, withdrawn, sullen. I begged him to see someone, get help, talk to me, anything to help it, to change it. It seemed the more I tried the farther apart we became. I felt rejected, unloved, unwanted, depressed, confused and heart broken. To me the covenant was immensely broken. I knew he could change things with even a small amount of effort. I was desperate for ANY change, but none came. After the divorce he remarried, eventually so did I. I simply did not want the divorce to begin with, I just wanted change. I felt I waited and requested effort for that change long enough. Today, I am happy in my current marriage. I describe it as comfortably happy. I am being honest when I say I have never loved him as I did my first love, my first husband. My first husband is now divorced again. He has recently contacted me stating he knows he is the reason our marriage failed and he has never stopped loving me. I relate. He states,( I know many cannot relate to this unless you were from our part of the country), but his job was brute labor. He tells me working 17 hour days (which in most places is not even legal) took everything out of him. He says it was not me, it was him and his job. It helps to know that now, although the years since our divorce has left me with many doubts and wonders as to how I could try so hard and be rejected so deeply. I felt I knew how deeply he loved me, it was obvious in his words, but simply not his actions. He says all he wanted to do when he was home was, “zone out and rest”. He tells me I have no idea what it was like to do that type of labor for 17 hours 5-6 days a week. The guilt floods me yet again, “Should I have stayed regardless?” I feel I know if I had stayed with him, nothing would have changed. Maybe I am wrong. He ended up married to a very unstable woman whom has destroyed everything he has worked so hard for. He is and has always been a very hard worker. He says looking at how things have turned out, he has felt punished for not making our marriage work as he should have. I in turn have simply felt empty, like something is missing from my life since being apart from him, deep down wondering if it is due to our divorce and my re-marriage to my second husband. Maybe I will never shake these feelings of doubt. I want nothing more than to make God my first priority. I wish above all of this had been different. Now, I just want to do the right things. I do not take marriage lightly as I have stated before, I never have. To even have thoughts of another is considered adultery and I have had continuous thoughts and dreams of my first husband, things I cannot control. Things I feel guilty about. All of the Theology studies, degrees, research and prayer does not make me inhuman. I want to find my joy in the Lord, yet I find myself consumed by the past mistakes, especially since I still feel that missing piece creeping into my heart. I am sad, confused and angry about the entire situation. The last thing I want is to make things worse for any of us. I would just like to know and understand once and for all if my first marriage was truly right to begin with, considering his brief marriage when he was still unsaved. Discernment tells me our marriage was a new covenant. Does it even matter? You have stated above the bottom line is, once your bed is made you must lie in it. It is hard to ignore that there is the possibility that I should have had a lasting commitment despite my immense discomforts as a young married woman lacking knowledge of far a commitment should extend and also how he was feeling and what he may have been facing inwardly. I still feel a sense of commitment to him, and a love I cannot deny. As with all things in life, I do feel there are considerations in every situation that must be made. Not everything is ever completely cut and dry, accept to live is to die and thus comes the judgment. I want to know I’m going to make it, nothing and no one is worth risking our salvation.. as we know many will strive and few will enter the gate. What would it profit to gain the world and lose our soul?
Thank you for taking a few moments to read this. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
Dear Striving to Enter,
If you are searching to find biblical truth about marriage, divorce and remarriage, fully backed by Scripture, you can listen to this audio book, “Till Death Do Us Part” by Dr. Joseph Webb, here:
http://www.cpr-ministries.org/listen.html
It will answer all your questions about marriage, divorce and remarriage.
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