Imagine that Alien Robots From Outer Space come to observe the earth. They listen in on our conversations, trying to figure out what kind of creatures we are.

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I teach a class at Southern Methodist University on the Ethics of Video Game Development. If that sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen… well shame on you, you cynic.

We have good discussions. “Good” by some definition. Oh, all right—invigorating then. Invigorating to me anyway.

But I am not always persuaded by the ethical arguments that students advance in class and in papers. So by way of:

1. letting off steam,
2. seeking commiseration from teachers of ethics in other institutions,
3. warning future students away from poor courses of reasoning, and
4. reveling in the unbridled use of numbered lists

…I hereby offer this Top Ten List of my least favorite ethical arguments; or, if you prefer, my favorite unethical arguments.

1. Hollywood has been doing it for years; therefore it must be ethical for the games industry to do it.
2. It’s hard to decide what is right or wrong; therefore there is no right or wrong.
3. People disagree about what is right or wrong; therefore there is no right or wrong.
4. Because of Evolution, new things are always better than old things; in the old days, people used to perceive X as wrong; therefore X is right.
5. It’s evil to say that something is evil; therefore there is no evil.
6. You are unlikely to get caught performing action X; therefore action X is not wrong.
7. Ethical intuitions and urges are a product of evolutionary biology; therefore people simply do what they are “wired” to do; therefore there is no right or wrong.
8. “Everyone” (contemporary society/everyone we know/everyone in this room) generally agrees that X is right; therefore X is right.
9. I perceive myself as generally doing good; in my experience of people so far, consisting as it does of parent-child, teacher-student, casual romantic, and generally low-stakes peer relationships, I perceive other people as generally doing good; therefore people are generally good; therefore discussion of ethics is pointless, because people generally know and do good anyway.
10. To me, X; therefore X.